(Regarding diapers) "Ever try the dipstick method? You stick your finger in, and if it's about to the first knuckle, it's full."
- Troy

Bret: "Newborn diapers are interesting."
Troy: "Oh, because of the meconium. It's the secret ingredient of gorilla glue."

Tiffany: "I hope by Monday I still have my G."
Eric N.: "Your G?"
Tiffany: "Yeah, my job."

Careful, it's slick out there

(Troy and Heather talking about musical instruments.)
Troy: "Good thing she doesn't play the kaleidoscope."

"Geeze, Lukas, you're causing hectic!"
- Heather

"My sister left me an ineligible voicemail. I couldn't understand anything she said. . . . She just doesn't speak legibly any more."
- Heather