"I'm always racist. I'm Mexican. I can be."

- Phil

"I'm with Briana on this one. . . . I think she'd make a really great guy. I'd probably date her."

- Heather

"I would be the best guy ever."

- Briana

"My husband's my kid and my dog is my dog."

- Heather

"My boyfriend at the time's husband's wife...."

- Heather

"I just keep stepping in my mouth."

- Tiffany

"I was an accident!"

- Tiffany

"You have to straighten the tip . . . and it'll go straight."
- Phil

"When I eat pizza, my head itches."

- Briana

"I didn't get plastered at my wedding, but I did drink quite a bit."

- Heather

"*cough* Apricot down the throat of the breathing tube.."

"There was one time in college when I wasn't completely drunk."

- Heather

"I put more thought and planning into this race than I did my own wedding."

- Peter