"I won't change other children's diapers. I'll change my own, but not someone else's."
- Corey

Heather: "Corey, you didn't go to The Hobbit?"

Corey: "No. I'm scared of short people. That's why you put the fear in me."

"I want a mini skirt, not one that goes down to the ankle."
- Corey

"There's been more than a few days that I've looked longingly under my desk and thought, 'That looks comfortable.'"
- Corey

Zach: "So Corey, did you order some blue BuckyBalls?"
Corey: "Yeah, I did."
Jonathan: "Corey, you're gonna have blue balls?"
Troy: "Come on, Jonathan! HR Violation!"
Jonathan: "What!? It was just hanging there."

Corey: "I'd like to see a little more about Jasmine." (Speaking of the JavaScript testing framework)
Bret: "Why? Do you like scantily-clad Arabian women?"

Heather: "The last six SimpliQuotes have been me."
Corey: "You say as many words as you do in a day you're bound to string together something interesting."

Heather: *cough* "I'm trying to breathe. . . ."
Corey: "I wouldn't. . . ."

"In this place, it's better to avoid blame than take credit."
- Corey

Lukas: "Peter, hang up."
Peter: "No, you hang up."
Corey: "That's quite a bro-mance you guys have going on there."

Matt H.: "If you enjoy movies with naked she-males, then see it."

Corey: "What's the movie?"

"Fortunately, I never post, I just use [Facebook] to cyber-stalk people."

- Corey

"The first rule of plumbing is that crap rolls downhill. The second rule is that payday is on Friday."
- Corey